Moms, STOP with the “Self-Care”

Share with us @tryverima or comment below how you manage to fit in true self-care! 

Back in January, I penned a blog called “Creating Pockets of Breathing Room” to talk about minor changes I had made to try to maintain my sanity while raising three kids through the pandemic and growing Verima.  A friend, after reading the blog, wrote back, “Got to take an uninterrupted shower today!  #self-care “

Moms, I implore you. . . that is not self-care.  Self-care needs to have a set intention and purpose.  We need to be mindful of the fact that we ARE taking a break and our brains can actually let part of our day go, as opposed to rushing the entire shower so we don’t get caught with shampoo in our eyes when a child calls for our attention!  Sure, it’s a win when we do manage to complete the shower without incident, but let’s be clear, that is not self-care and we should not be telling others (especially other moms and our partners) that it is.  Otherwise, we run the risk of normalizing what should not be normal.


My husband loves tinkering with cars.  He enjoys working in the garage, adding after-market exhausts and gadgets to his cars and will happily spend a few hours adding these upgrades.  But, when he takes my mini-van to the station to fill the tires with air and the tank with gas, I would never insinuate that doing so counted as his self-care time.  Similarly, I enjoy baking and decorating the confections, but that does not mean cooking three meals to feed a hungry family every single day counts as self-care.  Again, it’s about the intention, and it’s about the purpose. 

So, the purpose should be to set aside time to mindfully engage in something that fuels us whether mentally, emotionally, or physically.  And of course, this looks very different for each of us.  For me, it would be taking a ballet class, for others it may be going for a run (sprinting to pick up your kid from school doesn’t count!), getting a mani/pedi, or meeting up with dear friends.  Whatever it is, afterwards it should leave you feeling energized, fueled and more in touch with yourself and how you are feeling across the board. 


Below is a *guide* (a bit tongue in cheek!) to help you on the path to finding true self-care. 

If you are a foodie and enjoy trying new flavors:

Scarfing down 4-day old cold pasta (which may suddenly be sporting new errr *flavors*), while standing at the counter is not self-care. Making a reservation at a place you’ve been meaning to try or at a favorite, tried-and-true restaurant and actually tasting your meal is. 

If you enjoy shopping:

Racing to the grocery store (even if it’s without kids!) while trying to figure out dinner ingredients and meals for the next couple days and dumping items in your cart so you’re not late for pick-up is not self care.  Taking an hour or two to visit your favorite shops to see what’s new is. 

If you are a runner:

Running around to get the unleashed dog back in the house, running up and down the stairs getting kids ready for school, running after a toddler who took off across the street, do not count as self-care.  A jog with a running partner, an interesting podcast or some fun tunes count. 

If you enjoy cooking:

Making a pot of Annie’s Mac and Cheese, reheating leftovers or constructing one ham, one turkey and one jelly sandwich (because goodness forbid they actually eat the same thing) in a race against time are not self-care. Picking out a new recipe, shopping for the finest ingredients and slowly simmering sauces is.

If you enjoy reading:

Checking over kid’s homework, reading the kid’s Weekly Reader, reading an instruction manual, and reading ingredient lists do not count as self-care.  Picking up a new title that interests you and engages your mind is. 

And back to that hot shower:

A shower is not self-care.  It’s a basic need that needs to be met.  Self-care would be luxuriating in the bath tub with some bubbles or a favorite bath bomb, listening to something soothing and allowing your mind to take a break from your stressors. 

Are we getting the idea here ladies?  Choose the end result  you want/need after your self-care time (calm, focus, peace, energy, clarity, fitness, beauty, joy, etc.) and then make sure your self-care routine is a mindful practice that leaves you with that result.  And most importantly, actually schedule the time in the calendar!  Bring in any necessary reinforcements (partners, grandparents, babysitters, etc.) and truly engage in your self-care time. 

Tag us and share your self-care routine with us!