If you ever need a pick-me-up when you’re in the trenches of motherhood, just talk to a fellow mom about her experiences with her own children, and you will be reassured that you are not doing it all wrong, your children are not totally crazy, and you will survive this. By talking with other moms, we get to hear the wild, crazy, disgusting, laughable, tear-worthy moments that make parenting the roller-coaster ride that it is. And sometimes, we just need to know that what we’re going through is normal. So, the next time you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed, pick up the phone, call a fellow mom, and have a good vent and laugh about how absolutely chaotic parenting is. In the meantime, though, lock yourself in the bathroom with your favorite chocolate bar, and have a read through these hilarious truth bombs from fellow moms. If nothing else, it’ll give you a laugh, a moment of peace and quiet, and a chance to eat your chocolate bar (I won’t tell).
- Silence is golden. Unless you have children. Then silence is suspicious.
Remember those days when you could sit and enjoy peace and quiet, relishing the silence that surrounded you? I know, I don’t really remember either, but I like to pretend that I do. That golden silence does not exist when you’re a parent. When our son was a toddler, I was so proud of him for playing quietly in his room while I was putting his sister down for a nap. He was being so quiet and being a dear little soul entertaining himself while I was busy for a moment. When I finally made it out of his sister’s room and went to check on him, his entire room had been lovingly decorated in baby powder. A white sheen covered the entire room, and my son stood in the middle of it all, head to toe in white power, smiling proudly at his creation. Silence is never golden; don’t trust it.
- “Booty call” when you’re a parent: someone yelling from the bathroom for you to come and wipe their butt.
Let’s face it, there’s nothing sexy about parenting. We are knee deep in every type of grossness imaginable – from runny noses to vomit to poop. We’ve all heard it before, the call ringing out from the bathroom… “MOOOOOOMMMMYYY!! I went POOOOOOO!!” Unfortunately, unless you’re in the midst of potty training (#goodluck), your child isn’t really looking for any type of congratulations, they’re looking for a hand. Your hand. To wipe their butt. That’s the extent of booty calls when you’re a parent. Stock up on toilet paper, hand soap, and air freshener – you’re going to need it.
- That awkward moment when you discipline your child for acting EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
They say that when you become a parent yourself, you really start to turn into your own parents. No one believes this crazy talk, until that magical day when it suddenly happens. And you’re left standing with your mouth open, aghast at what just came out of it. My parents always told stories about how I talked incessantly as a child, literally falling asleep mid-sentence, only to wake up and resume my chattering the following day. I always thought they were just exaggerating and being funny. Then my daughter learned to talk, and I realized they were neither exaggerating NOR being funny. They were relaying the sheer pain of having to listen to non-stop chatter all.day.long. Every time I ask my daughter to just stop talking for a moment so I can think (her talking is literally an all-day event), I can hear my mother chuckling in my mind. Well played, karma, well played.
- Never make eye contact with a child on the verge of sleep; they will sense your excitement and abort mission.
No one knows ninja moves better than a parent trying to sneak out of their child’s room without them waking up. If you’re one of those parents who are blessed with a kid who drops off to sleep without a hitch, and sleeps through any sound possible, then you are one of the lucky few. Most of us have mastered the art of slinking out of a chair while holding our slumbering babe, placing them in their crib with the delicacy of a bomb disarmer, and crawling out of the room with ninja-like stealth.
If you’ve ever been stuck hovering just below your baby’s crib, waiting for them to settle before you sneak out, only to come eye-to-eye with them peeking out at you, you know the immense sense of failure that I am referring to. You’re done, Momma, it’s over. That baby will sense your anticipated freedom and decide that life is just way to exciting to go to sleep.
- Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it up.
Ok, I admit it, this final truth bomb isn’t necessarily a hilarious or witty one, but it is most definitely a truthful one. Nothing is more humbling than being a parent, and there is no one in the world who doubts themselves more than a mother. My mom always told me that parenting is the best and hardest job you’ve ever do, and she was bang-on with that statement. No matter how hard we try, and how much we love our children, we are forever second-guessing ourselves and our decisions.
But Moms, let’s start celebrating all that we do, recognizing how incredibly hard parenting is, and supporting one another through all of the trials and triumphs. Let’s chuckle in the chaos, hug in the hard times, and above all else, try to enjoy those precious little moments. You are doing a great job, trust in that.